Hello, Mr. Forgiveness and Ms. Trust!

Few days to go and it's July already.
It's amazing how time flies.
How days just slipped away.

Yesterday, we are just saying our goodbyes to 2009 and now its the half of 2010.

In the past months, so many things happened - like so much!
Dreams do come and go.
People do come and go.
Hello's and Goodbye's.
Experiences are getting different and different.
Learning to let go.
Learning to grasp again.

It seems so easy. It seems so fast. It seems so light. It seems so fun.
But actually... It's not.

Every experience can break or make you.
Every experience can break or build your trust.
And sometimes or most of the time, you will need to forgive - the other person or even yourself.

I never realized...
-I will be in a situation that is so hard and painful to let go.
-I have this pain inside me.
-I have this traumatic scar inside me.
-I will be in a situation that is so hard to forgive - to trust.

It's easy to tell people to forgive and trust again, but actually its one of the hardest thing to do!

I woke up crying... asking how God can really just love us like that.
That even though, how bad I am yesterday, He's just ready to forgive and trust me again.
That even though, I've hurt Him - so many times, caused Him to give up His only Son for me - still welcomes me with His warm embrace.
That no matter what, His grace, mercy and love is new every morning.

Knowing that Someone did and continues to do that for you and me, made me asks the question: "What's stopping you, Marge? Isn't His love more than enough to erase everything?"

I know that this is not a one time deal, this is a forever encounter.
I will forever meet Mr. Forgiveness and Ms. Trust everywhere I go.
So today, I must learn to get used to seeing them and applying them.

This is not easy and I didn't regret choosing this path.
But I'm sure, I'll forever have the pain and hatred if I won't start it now.

I'll never regret meeting Mr. Forgiveness and Ms. Trust.

Humbling? Painful? Of course!
But we have to FORGIVE and we have to TRUST again.
Let's us not let anything paralyze us from trusting again.

Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a Amplified

I'm now excited into having a great and refreshing start.
A start full of trust and love and with God.

You! Yes, You!

You, my ever dearest papa.
You, my ever dearest mama.
You, my ever dearest sisterets.
You, my ever dearest brothers.
You, my ever dearest relatives.
You, my best girlfriend and guyfriend.
You, my sweet precious baranggays.
You, my best gayfriend.
You, my twin guybrat.
You who would always be with me to all the adventures.
You who would always makes me laugh.
You who really treats me as your sister.
You who accepts me for who I am.
You who calls me twin.
You who supports me and opened your family to embrace me.
You who would always lend your ears just to listen even if I'm nonsense.
You who would support my kalokohan! as in!
You who would always speak to me in truth and in love.
You who would trusted me with the little things to the bigger things to the darkest things in your life.
You who would just drive me home... safe!
You who never fails to amaze me.
You who believes in me even if there were times that I don't believe myself.
You who thinks I'm sosyal and mayaman. (True naman! hahaha! Thinks!)
You who would just watch a movie with me because the guy in that movie is my crush. *giggles*
You who would always surprise me!
You who loves to tickle me until I'm almost or even lying on the floor na.
You who mentors me.
You who appreciates me.
You who can directly tell me that I'm wrong.
You who I can always run to.
You who for a time helps to put me to sleep.
You who loves sharing books with me.
You who gave me a dog.
You who always hug me!!! LIKE BIG LONG HUG!
You who gave me a pretty expensive elegant shoes.
You who supports my randomness.
You who dance, swim and jog with me
You who reminds me to eat.
You who helps me laugh my cries.
You who prays with me.

and more to come!!!!

YOU!!!

All of you are God's way of really showing me that He is with me, through all of you.
It's not the perfect you that I want, I cherish and I love but just YOU.
It's how each one of you made me thank God more, every day.
It's how each one of you help me be a better me.

God is using all of you to amaze me and surprise me.

And I pray that God will amaze you all and surprise you in ways that will make all of you speechless and more loved.

I thank God for all the YOU's in my life.
You are all such a great sweet precious amazing blessing from God.
I appreciate all of you.

Thank you so much.

I love... YOU!!!

All of us have so much to be grateful and thankful for. Not just the material things around us. Life is precious. People around us affect each precious life. As God uses even the most tiniest thing / creature in this earth to show us how much He loves us, how much more the precious YOU.

Life. Its REAL!

One ordinary "YES" to an invitation for a Saturday Morning Activity turned to be an amazing extraordinary experience again!
A Birthday Celebration of Janina Punzalan with the Kids in Real Life Center in Pasig.

While walking in the street of Real Life Center in Pasig -( I passed on the other end kasi.. ) on my way to the Feeding Program - flashback!!!

I remember my college days, every Saturday for two years, we have our Healthcare Community Service.
Going to this baranggay every Saturday, house to house, teaching them proper hygiene, proper balanced diet, playing with the kids, cleaning the community, feeding them, having this medical assistance (temperature, Blood pressure...), cleaning of wounds, helping kids with their assignments, and even just talking to their parents.

I would always go home with a smile yet with a heavy heart.

I would always remember their small house, just like a room, or maybe for some of you, its the size of your bathroom.
A room with 4 or 5 families, sharing. Shifting when it comes to sleeping, eating,...

I would remember their faces,...
-while teaching them the proper balanced healthy diet - and they'll know it, they'll understand it, but they don't have the capability or money to buy the food I'm talking about.
-while teaching them about proper hygiene - when they just have a common bathroom without a toilet bow.
-while telling them to do this and do that.... my heart is crushed knowing that for them there are more important things to life than those things I'm talking about.

We - I!
I realized AGAIN how blessed I am. I have a good home. I have a great work. That I can eat 3 times, actually more, per day. That I can sleep in my comfortable bed. That all I have to worry back then was my school projects and exams. I have great amazing family and friends. Having a simple life which becomes so extraordinary because I have God.

Thank You, Lord. Thank You.

This is LIFE. It is REAL.

You have and they don't... yet when they receive, they share.
You can and they can't... yet when given the opportunity, they deliver and again share.

Life is not about just the good times.
Life is not just about you and me.
Life includes them.

If you can do something now and be a blessing, why do it tomorrow?
If you can love now, love.
If you can share now, share.

It's not about the money...
but being a blessing...
A smile, A hug, An encouragement, A prayer..

I pray that we may be an avenue of blessings and may they see God in us, with us and through us.

Life is short.
Life is now.
Life is Real.

***Thank you Ate Janina for inviting me. Thank you!
If you haven't heard of Real Life Foundation, Feeding Program, please do check it out: www.igivetolife.com

Looking Back.... Smiling Now!

I messed up yesterday.
I took the wrong turn.
I loved and reacted the wrong way.
I have said the wrong words.

I should have listened instead of talking.
I should have waited instead of walking away.
I should have trusted instead of judging.
I should have resisted instead of indulging.

I messed up my yesterday,... well not all, but I'm sure most of it. And I'll mess up more if I let my yesterday's mistakes ruin my today's character and attitude.

God's mercies are new every morning - receive them.
Learn so much from our mistakes.
Learn from the shaking that happened, is happening and will happen in our lives.
Trials will surely come.
Lightning strikes.
Thunderbolts of regret can ignite and consume us.

May we learn to counteract them with God's grace - daily washings of forgiveness.

Once a year won't do.
Once a month will never be enough.
Weekly showers will still leave us dry.
Sporadic mistings will leave us combustible.

We, You,... I!!!

I need a solid soaking everyday.

God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left. -Lamentations 3:22-24 The Message

Jesus' Design for a good day makes such sense.
His GRACE erases guilt.
His OVERSIGHT removes fear.
His DIRECTION removes confusion.- Max Lucado

God's Bratinella

I started my walk with God being a brat!!! (haha until now!) God knew that I was a baby christian back then and He would always give me what I prayed for... God would always do something so I can get what I needed and wanted! -(tuition fees, books, supplies, savings, clothes, shoes, bags.. and extra money for gimmicks)

There may have still been some unanswered prayers but the many answered prayers made me push my faith to the next level. I was confident that God would always answer when it's ok to answer me!

That's the privilege I have as daughter of the Most High! He's always there for me... He's always there for you, too. To strengthen our faith, to bring our faith to the next level, for us to really depend on Him...

Now, that I've told you about the part about me...
... let me tell you the part about God.

Since He was responsible for bringing my faith to the next level, He also gave me this great challenge - to let go and obey HIM!

Challenge to the max! He asked me to let go of my Medical Technology profession and obey Him. Hard!!! I've studied 4 years and additional 2 weeks for my board exam review... hehe two weeks lang talaga! - and because I'm a brat.. He answered my prayers! I passed the board exams! (I've asked God to just prepare my heart and the heart of the people around me to accept whatever the results may be... )

There have been times, too, when God had to answer me "NO." And for all of you who have gotten a "NO" from God, you know how hard it is to get that answer. But if I really trust Him and if my faith is really true.. I must be willing to let go and obey!

Many of you have the same story. As you began your walk with God, God gave you an instant "YES" and that caused for your faith to grow.

But there are some people whose faith are built when God gave a "NO" answer! It made them to just cling on God... some way or the other..

Which brings me to this point: It doesn't matter whether you receive a "Yes" or a "No" from God; what matters is how we respond.

Don't let a "NO" answer from God ruin your relationship with Him. Instead, talk to Him, open yourself to Him and ask Him to let you understand the answer you got. Sometimes its a NO because God is still preparing us for it or preparing the BEST for us!

I'm God's bratinella,
not because I just get what I want!
I'm God's bratinella,
because I know when not to stop until I got what I ask for
I'm God's bratinella,
not because it's always a "YES" from God.
I'm God's bratinella,
because even if I receive a "NO" from God, He would still make lambing to me... and I would just make lambing to Him para fun kahit NO yung answer! hehe

I'm God's bratinella! - am proud of it!

When have you been disappointed by God? How did He not come through for you the way You wanted Him to? How did this affect your relationship with Him? How can you exercise trust in Him as your loving Father even when you fell disappointed? Spend some time in prayer today relating your disappointment and ask Him to help you trust Him more fully.

"Don't let this throw you. You trust God, don't you? Trust me. There is plenty of room for you in my Father's home. If that weren't so, would I have told you that I'm on my way to get a room ready for you? And if I'm on my way to get your room ready, I'll come back and get you so you can live where I live. And you already know the road I'm taking."
John 14:1-4 (The Message)

The Beautiful Fight

I got into a big argument / misunderstanding with a dear friend just last night. A simple "good night" turned into a "goodbye" of sorts. But thanks to a dear friend who answered my call and listened and just stayed there until my cries turned into laughter.

I know I am not alone whenever I experience having to give up on something/someone - relationship, things, job opportunities, time, dream. Everyone can relate to that - the giving up of something to make room for something better.
Giving something up is always difficult. You know the feeling you get when you give something up? That feeling that something that used to be a part of you is gone and you dont know how to live your life again.

I hate giving up. I hate disappointing people. I hate it when I can't give what was expected of me. I hate ruining a great friendship. I hate it when I've caused so much pain.

I know I'm not perfect.
I'm so sorry for those that I've offended.. mostly last night.
It's hard and painful. Giving something up.

But I do believe God cares.

God really does care. God really is involved, even when we don't acknowledge Him.

Life is hard and life is good.
"He did this to humble you and test you for your own good." - Deuteronomy 8:16 NLT

Every painful thing that we go through is a test of faith, the molding of our character, a renewing of our mind, a changing of our heart.

Now that i'm going through this situation, I know that I'm not alone.

My learning from this experience is that I don't want to be someone who just experiences something but not walk away changed from the experience. I want to always see every experience through God's eyes.

The eyes that can look past someone's beauty, fame, power - or lack thereof - and see that person as important to our heavenly Father.

The eyes that see others with the eyes of God - noticing the unnoticed, not being distracted by what the world considers important, caring for those we would usually just let pass.

"To care for both victim and persecutor;

To feel genuinely concerned about each individual, like our God….,

not wanting anyone to perish" - 2 Peter 3:9

I may be in a painful situation right now… but I do believe that there is a great purpose why.

I may have never realized there's something was wrong with my heart, my eyes, my thinking if last night hadn't happened..

I may never have experienced this kind of security from God if I hadn't gone through this pain and uncertainty.

I would never have really known how much He cares and how unconditional the fact that He gave up His life for me is, despite my faults and sins, if not for what happened last night.

I would never have known how truly grateful I am that He is continually humbling me, guiding me, and teaching me and loving me in every season of my life.

The process may be painful and hard yet I know for sure that it's for my own good.

and now Lord… I know that it's a real struggle to get there, but the destination is so glorious that the fight to I have to give to get to where You want to take me is nothing less than BEAUTIFUL.

The Beautiful Fight.

Day 1: To Live Passionately - Embrace Fear and JUMP!

I believe there is something - Someone - inside of us who tells us that there is more to life than just sitting in the boat, staying inside our comfort zone, or just letting go of the adventures that life may bring.

We were made for something more than merely avoiding failure. One of my friends once told me as I was about to make a hard decision: "Marge, it's okay to commit a mistake, as long as you're learning from it and won't do it again. It might surprise you, that you become wiser than people your age who are afraid to make a decision." What happened to that decision? It was a definite Fail!" (a fail that has caused so much pain to my parents huhuhu)

There is something inside of you that wants to jump off the bridge or to walk on water - to leave the comforts of everyday existence and experience the supreme adventure of following God.
What's your boat?
- Your boat is whatever represents safety and security to you apart from God Himself.
- Your boat is something you are tempted to put your trust in, especially when life seems to get stormy and shaky..
- Your boat is something that makes you so comfy that you don't want to give it up even if it keeps you from joining Jesus on the waves.
- Your boat is something that keeps you from enjoying the adventures of extreme walk with God!

And for you to know your boat.... YOUR FEAR will direct you to it!
... What is that "thing" that produces so much fear in you? Something that when you think of leaving behind, you are stepping out in faith?
... Areas in your life that are shrinking back from fully being courageously trusting God
... Wind and Storms in life - expected or unexpected!

Fear will tell you what your boat is... and leaving it behind may be the hardest thing you'll ever do! - I hurt my parents so much because of some of the decisions that I have made and I'm sure I will still make mistakes!!! For me, that's the hardest thing! But because of the grace God has given me that allows me to be in faith and allows me to obey whole-heartedly, I know God will turn even the worst of mistakes to the best of miracles.

As the wind never leaves the Earth, so it is when it comes to our fears / wind and storms that will come and shake our life. Fear will never go away as long as we want to grow and experience adventure!

We have to embrace fear and JUMP because the decision to grow is choosing between risk and comfort.

I learned to embrace fear (hahaha.. to embrace my vest and pray) then I JUMPED! ( to be honest, that's the longest 3 seconds of my life!!!!)

Each time you do something - stepping out in faith, choosing risk over comfort... its not that fear goes away, you just get used to living with fear. You realized that fear has no power to destroy you!

But Jesus was quick to comfort them. "Courage, it's me. Don't be afraid."

Matthew 14:27 (The Message)

***I'm reading One Month To live by Kerry and Chris Shook, and John Ortberg's If You Want To Walk On Water You've Got To Get Out Of The Boat